Saturday, January 17, 2009
through a telescope
It's been a while since I used this thing. But I'm having a particularly rough night or morning or whatever.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
These Questions Unanswered
My past week has just been AWESOME. I re-discovered that Drew just sucks, likes to lie, and glorify himself. He's also a horrible friend, and an extremely convincing liar. But we all know I always figure out the truth. HAHA DREW. I win. Ugh. I leave for the beach tomorrow! I'm so excited. I'm bringing Casie, so it's gonna be an awesome vacation. Hopefully better than last years was with Miss Aubey. I finished Breaking Dawn, which was such a good book! If you haven't read the Twilight series... you need to do it like, now. Since I've finished that I've been doing sinful amounts of homework. Seriously, Fairfax County, it's SUMMER. Give me a break. I have enough of your shit the rest of the year, give me two months of freedom! But, no, your ridiculous AP curriculum doesn't allow for that.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Such a Shame, Such a Sin
Let me tell you a story.
It needs to be told, because it's been coming back to me lately.
And I absolutely hate that.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. Not the prettiest or the smartest, not the funniest or the coolest, but still a good friend to those who needed her. This girl was broken. She was sad, unhappy with where life had dropped her. She had been getting better, with the help of her doctors and parents and friends, who all supported her. But one day, everything she had worked towards regarding emotions was torn from her. Extremely abruptly. It was a Tuesday, two days before Thanksgiving. She was sitting in her school library, a place she thought of as safe. All she was doing was researching for an English project, and waiting for 3:00 to come so that she could go and start community service. Roughly five minutes before she was set to leave, a stranger came up and sat next to her. He was nice, asking how long she had attended school there and other random questions. Nothing seemingly threatening or wary, just small talk. After a minute or so of conversation, the boy asked the too-trusting girl to follow him, he had something cool to show her! They left the library, walked through corridors, passing groups of lingering students. The girl asked the boy what he wanted to show her. He gave no reply, and the girl became uneasy. In a joint hallway between the clinic and the Freshman lockers, the boy asked her to come to the back staircase with him. She resisted, saying she had to go, she couldn't be late. He laughed, saying it would only take a minute. The girl was afraid, knowing this would never end well. He had backed her up against the wall, and then it happened. Just one moment, one touch, but that's all it took. The girl felt her heart rip into pieces. She yelled at him to get off of her, get away from her. He apologized profusely, but the girl would hear none of it. She took off quickly in the direction of the cafeteria, where she was supposed to meet her community service overseer. When the boy saw all of the people around, he threw her one last piece of information for some reason, a name. Christian W, he told her. The girl was terrified. She somberly worked for two hours, thinking about what had just happened to her the entire time. When her sister came to pick her up, as soon as she sat down in the car she broke down, sobbing. The sister asked what was wrong, and the girl told her. Poured out the entire story. The sister was angry, maybe the most angry the girl had ever seen her. She wanted to go and find the boy, to make things right, but the girl told her to just drive her home. She went to her bedroom while her sister told their mother what had happened. She sat on the bed and cried the rest of her tears out, she didn't have many left. Her sister came to her, helped her look through the yearbook to find the boy. They found him, but not under the name he had given. His real name was Jason. He was on the varsity football team. Even seeing his year book picture terrified the girl. She was now broken once more. It was as if the last year had never happened, all the happiness she had worked to discover in her life was wiped clean. The girl was left with nothing but lonely darkness. When her father came home, the mother, sister, and girl went to tell him what had happened. He was angry, but not with the boy. No, the father was angry at the girl! As she realized he was angry with her, she began to cry, to ask why. He gave no reason, aside from repeating something about the situation being bullshit. The girl was crushed. She ran away, ran to her bedroom and curled up and cried. She hadn't cried like this in a very long time, and it hurt her. She was so mournful. Her mother came to get her, to get her to talk to the father again. She reluctantly agreed, and when she did he apologized and agreed to accompany her to school the next morning. He told her to write out what had happened, so they had an account. She went back to her room and told her story to the white paper, ironically as pure as the stars. She didn't sleep that night, instead stayed awake fearful of what would come. The next morning, she slowly got ready for school. It was a half-day, the next day was Thanksgiving. What did she have to be thankful for? Such desolate people can never see the brighter side, instead focusing on their pain. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not the best for their condition. Her father drove her, parked, and accompanied her inside. They went into the main office, and requested to speak with the Student Resource Officer. He was temporarily unavailable, the secretary told them, but she could call for the head of security. They were ushered into a conference room, where they silently waited for someone to tell the story to. Shortly thereafter, they were greeted by both the SRO and head of security. They were both extremely helpful and comforting, walked her through courses of action. It was in this small conference room that the girl learned that the boy had done this to several other girls, none of whom pressed charges. The girl laughed gloomily, insistent on legal action. Everyone was supportive of her, and the SRO left for his patrol car to file the report and assign a case number. The father got this information, bonded with the head of security over tales of government jobs, and left. The girl proceeded to class, where she was shortly pulled out by her school guidance counselor. She ended up telling her story to many adults over the course of the day. Time passed, the girl worked on re-establishing her happiness. She suffered night terrors every night of the boy harming her and her family, and she lost many hours of sleep over them. More time passed, and the day of the trial was upon her. Her mother called her out of school, her sister called out of work, and they picked up the girl's best friend to hold her hand and help her deal with things. The father met them at the courthouse, and there they waited to be called. When they entered the courtroom, the boy had his mother, girlfriend, and friend with him. The girl took a secret satisfaction in the fact that both of her parents had showed up. She also had the SRO and one other girl, one who had filed a report, with her. Still, there was little evidence, and she was worried the judge wouldn't rule in her favor. The trial went foward, the boy and his friends testified, the girl and her sister testified. It shook the girl to have to tell her story to so many strangers, but she told it true and well. The time came for the judge to make her ruling. The girl sat in silence, terrified, grasping her friend's hand and watching her father, steadying herself. She could hardly breathe. However, the judge ruled in her favor! The boy would now have to own up to his actions, face the consequences for things he had done. The day ended with the first true happiness the girl had felt in months, a good start for the scars she would have to work to heal.
It needs to be told, because it's been coming back to me lately.
And I absolutely hate that.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. Not the prettiest or the smartest, not the funniest or the coolest, but still a good friend to those who needed her. This girl was broken. She was sad, unhappy with where life had dropped her. She had been getting better, with the help of her doctors and parents and friends, who all supported her. But one day, everything she had worked towards regarding emotions was torn from her. Extremely abruptly. It was a Tuesday, two days before Thanksgiving. She was sitting in her school library, a place she thought of as safe. All she was doing was researching for an English project, and waiting for 3:00 to come so that she could go and start community service. Roughly five minutes before she was set to leave, a stranger came up and sat next to her. He was nice, asking how long she had attended school there and other random questions. Nothing seemingly threatening or wary, just small talk. After a minute or so of conversation, the boy asked the too-trusting girl to follow him, he had something cool to show her! They left the library, walked through corridors, passing groups of lingering students. The girl asked the boy what he wanted to show her. He gave no reply, and the girl became uneasy. In a joint hallway between the clinic and the Freshman lockers, the boy asked her to come to the back staircase with him. She resisted, saying she had to go, she couldn't be late. He laughed, saying it would only take a minute. The girl was afraid, knowing this would never end well. He had backed her up against the wall, and then it happened. Just one moment, one touch, but that's all it took. The girl felt her heart rip into pieces. She yelled at him to get off of her, get away from her. He apologized profusely, but the girl would hear none of it. She took off quickly in the direction of the cafeteria, where she was supposed to meet her community service overseer. When the boy saw all of the people around, he threw her one last piece of information for some reason, a name. Christian W, he told her. The girl was terrified. She somberly worked for two hours, thinking about what had just happened to her the entire time. When her sister came to pick her up, as soon as she sat down in the car she broke down, sobbing. The sister asked what was wrong, and the girl told her. Poured out the entire story. The sister was angry, maybe the most angry the girl had ever seen her. She wanted to go and find the boy, to make things right, but the girl told her to just drive her home. She went to her bedroom while her sister told their mother what had happened. She sat on the bed and cried the rest of her tears out, she didn't have many left. Her sister came to her, helped her look through the yearbook to find the boy. They found him, but not under the name he had given. His real name was Jason. He was on the varsity football team. Even seeing his year book picture terrified the girl. She was now broken once more. It was as if the last year had never happened, all the happiness she had worked to discover in her life was wiped clean. The girl was left with nothing but lonely darkness. When her father came home, the mother, sister, and girl went to tell him what had happened. He was angry, but not with the boy. No, the father was angry at the girl! As she realized he was angry with her, she began to cry, to ask why. He gave no reason, aside from repeating something about the situation being bullshit. The girl was crushed. She ran away, ran to her bedroom and curled up and cried. She hadn't cried like this in a very long time, and it hurt her. She was so mournful. Her mother came to get her, to get her to talk to the father again. She reluctantly agreed, and when she did he apologized and agreed to accompany her to school the next morning. He told her to write out what had happened, so they had an account. She went back to her room and told her story to the white paper, ironically as pure as the stars. She didn't sleep that night, instead stayed awake fearful of what would come. The next morning, she slowly got ready for school. It was a half-day, the next day was Thanksgiving. What did she have to be thankful for? Such desolate people can never see the brighter side, instead focusing on their pain. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not the best for their condition. Her father drove her, parked, and accompanied her inside. They went into the main office, and requested to speak with the Student Resource Officer. He was temporarily unavailable, the secretary told them, but she could call for the head of security. They were ushered into a conference room, where they silently waited for someone to tell the story to. Shortly thereafter, they were greeted by both the SRO and head of security. They were both extremely helpful and comforting, walked her through courses of action. It was in this small conference room that the girl learned that the boy had done this to several other girls, none of whom pressed charges. The girl laughed gloomily, insistent on legal action. Everyone was supportive of her, and the SRO left for his patrol car to file the report and assign a case number. The father got this information, bonded with the head of security over tales of government jobs, and left. The girl proceeded to class, where she was shortly pulled out by her school guidance counselor. She ended up telling her story to many adults over the course of the day. Time passed, the girl worked on re-establishing her happiness. She suffered night terrors every night of the boy harming her and her family, and she lost many hours of sleep over them. More time passed, and the day of the trial was upon her. Her mother called her out of school, her sister called out of work, and they picked up the girl's best friend to hold her hand and help her deal with things. The father met them at the courthouse, and there they waited to be called. When they entered the courtroom, the boy had his mother, girlfriend, and friend with him. The girl took a secret satisfaction in the fact that both of her parents had showed up. She also had the SRO and one other girl, one who had filed a report, with her. Still, there was little evidence, and she was worried the judge wouldn't rule in her favor. The trial went foward, the boy and his friends testified, the girl and her sister testified. It shook the girl to have to tell her story to so many strangers, but she told it true and well. The time came for the judge to make her ruling. The girl sat in silence, terrified, grasping her friend's hand and watching her father, steadying herself. She could hardly breathe. However, the judge ruled in her favor! The boy would now have to own up to his actions, face the consequences for things he had done. The day ended with the first true happiness the girl had felt in months, a good start for the scars she would have to work to heal.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Starry Nights, City Lights
Sometimes, when I get to thinking, I laugh at how ridiculously stupid I am. Perhaps stupid isn't the right word... more like blind? I don't know. When I look at people, I try to see the good in them, even when they flaunt their bad traits. I forgive too easily, forget too easily, love too easily, trust too easily. And no matter how many times I get screwed over, I never learn my lesson. Why? Why can't I get it through my head that everyone is just completely fake and only cares about themselves? The only time this ever actually occurs to me is just for a fleeting moment when I really, really, REALLY think about it. I'm not even talking about recently, nothing happened in the past few days to make me feel like this. I just do. Well, except when Emily was all, y'know, and pissed me off. But that's a story for another day, and I just really don't like her as a person or friend. Back on track, I feel like I let people walk all over me. Hey Hannah, I'm gonna talk about you behind your back. But don't be mad at me, I'm really sorry! And what do I do? "Oh, it's alright." I know I do it, but I can't break the habit of pleasing people. Haha, that sounded weird, hmm? Seriously though. I just forgive. I guess it's because it's easier than being confrontational, but sometimes I think that I'm stupid for doing it. I just really need to learn how to tell people to piss off. So many problems, such a short period of time.
Monday, July 28, 2008
I Was Spinning Free
Hey guys, sorry it's been so long.
The last few days have been pretty uneventful. On Saturday we all trekked up to Maryland to send Ryan off. He's moving to San Francisco, or, as the awesome cake decorators called it, Sanfransico. Haha. Anyway that was pretty fun, i spent like an hour in Aunt Sue's awesome massage chair. I hung out with Caila like the entire time. Three year olds are hard to keep entertained! But we managed. On the car ride home she was SOOOO loud the entire time. Like... so loud. Sunday Erin and I got taco bell and went to church, always a good thing. The church, I mean. After that I went to go and see Step Brothers, which was HILARIOUS! Go see it (:
So yeah, that was my uneventful weekend. Hopefully I do something more interesting tomorrow.
The last few days have been pretty uneventful. On Saturday we all trekked up to Maryland to send Ryan off. He's moving to San Francisco, or, as the awesome cake decorators called it, Sanfransico. Haha. Anyway that was pretty fun, i spent like an hour in Aunt Sue's awesome massage chair. I hung out with Caila like the entire time. Three year olds are hard to keep entertained! But we managed. On the car ride home she was SOOOO loud the entire time. Like... so loud. Sunday Erin and I got taco bell and went to church, always a good thing. The church, I mean. After that I went to go and see Step Brothers, which was HILARIOUS! Go see it (:
So yeah, that was my uneventful weekend. Hopefully I do something more interesting tomorrow.
Friday, July 25, 2008
And They Found You On the Bathroom Floor
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today.
Well, yesterday too, since it's mad early. Whatever. And to me, nostalgia is never a good thing, because i generally hate my memories. Isn't it funny that everything I remember makes me cry or pisses me off? There are so few things I can look back at and smile. What's really been bugging me is Emily. She changed so f*cking much, and I really miss the person she used to be. But no matter what I do she's just this completely different person and I'm like, should I even bother? Blahhhhh. Last summer was so shitty, when she ignored me all the time and talked shit and then lied about it for a free trip to the beach. That was possibly the worst mistake of my life, not realizing that she was just so different. It just really hurt my feelings, a lot of the things she said. I've also been thinking about ex boyfriends. We won't name names, but I think that breakup was a complete f*ck-up. I believe you get your one chance to find a soul mate and the more I think about it the more I'm like AHHH. I wish that the past was just like, gone, you know? Life would be so much easier without having to look back at everything that's put you where you are today. Good or bad, it just doesn't matter. However, humans enjoy using their brains and the rewind button. Something upstairs is making a buzzing noise, it's extremely loud and distracting. Who the hell is using the massager at 1:30?! Hmm. Last night (technically,) we took Caila to this little carnival at my high school, it was alot of fun actually. Maggie and I rode an octopus thing and she almost puked, and we rode in one of those crazy teacup things except it was a strawberry! haha. We went really fast on that janks too. And Caila rode the giant slide about twelve times, and I got hit on by the superfine ticket taker (: That made my day a little bit better. This weekend I'm going to Maryland with the family to say goodbye to Ryan, he's moving to California. All of my cousins are moving so far away! (Come back annaaaaa!) AWWW Aibell is asleep. She's so cute. I don't want to give her away, thank goodness for Casie's padre.
Alright, my Tylenol P.M. is kicking in. Ironic that I took it in the morning? Perhaps. (:
g'nightttt
edit: i now have to censor these because my dad sucks. k.
Well, yesterday too, since it's mad early. Whatever. And to me, nostalgia is never a good thing, because i generally hate my memories. Isn't it funny that everything I remember makes me cry or pisses me off? There are so few things I can look back at and smile. What's really been bugging me is Emily. She changed so f*cking much, and I really miss the person she used to be. But no matter what I do she's just this completely different person and I'm like, should I even bother? Blahhhhh. Last summer was so shitty, when she ignored me all the time and talked shit and then lied about it for a free trip to the beach. That was possibly the worst mistake of my life, not realizing that she was just so different. It just really hurt my feelings, a lot of the things she said. I've also been thinking about ex boyfriends. We won't name names, but I think that breakup was a complete f*ck-up. I believe you get your one chance to find a soul mate and the more I think about it the more I'm like AHHH. I wish that the past was just like, gone, you know? Life would be so much easier without having to look back at everything that's put you where you are today. Good or bad, it just doesn't matter. However, humans enjoy using their brains and the rewind button. Something upstairs is making a buzzing noise, it's extremely loud and distracting. Who the hell is using the massager at 1:30?! Hmm. Last night (technically,) we took Caila to this little carnival at my high school, it was alot of fun actually. Maggie and I rode an octopus thing and she almost puked, and we rode in one of those crazy teacup things except it was a strawberry! haha. We went really fast on that janks too. And Caila rode the giant slide about twelve times, and I got hit on by the superfine ticket taker (: That made my day a little bit better. This weekend I'm going to Maryland with the family to say goodbye to Ryan, he's moving to California. All of my cousins are moving so far away! (Come back annaaaaa!) AWWW Aibell is asleep. She's so cute. I don't want to give her away, thank goodness for Casie's padre.
Alright, my Tylenol P.M. is kicking in. Ironic that I took it in the morning? Perhaps. (:
g'nightttt
edit: i now have to censor these because my dad sucks. k.
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